We had had several long and hard days! It was 10:30 p.m. and my seeker was tossing and turning and NOT going to sleep. I was tired and impatient. Honestly, I felt like I was about to lose my ever loving mind. After being kicked for what felt like the thousandth time, I handed Jackson the iPad and went to the other room to cry!
John was out of town on a business trip and would be gone for another three days. Jackson and I had taken a trip to Texas to visit my parents and in that moment I was wishing we had stayed home. Sometimes staying home and sticking to your routine is just easier.
Sensory Processing Disorder is a beast that masks itself as bad behavior. It’s invisible to the untrained eye. It’s a multi-layered monster that keeps you guessing and grasping for something, anything to get your kid regulated. Special needs parenting is a hard and lonely road that can leave you physically and emotionally spent.
Each day with Sensory Processing Disorder presents its own unique challenges and no two days are the same.
One day is harder than hell; the next day is perfection.
One day is full of laughter, the next one full of tears.
One day your kid eats everything you put in front of them; the next you’re dumping every meal in the trash.
It’s three steps forward and one step back.
Just a few days after returning from our trip to Texas, Jackson had the best occupational therapy session he’s ever had. He was talking up a storm and I’m pretty sure the most regulated I’ve ever seen him. His therapist said, Who is this kid?
And I thought to myself, This is the kid I wish he could always be.
Not because I don’t love the unregulated Jackson. Of course I do.
But Sensory Processing Disorder trickles into every area of our lives. It affects Jackson’s eating and his ability to interact appropriately with other kids. Classrooms are overwhelming. He has a hard time with transitions. Haircuts are a nightmare and potty training took longer.
The good days far outweigh the bad; but sometimes I’d give just about anything for Jackson to simply be a kid.
One who doesn’t spend hours each week at therapy.
One who doesn’t have to work so hard to get his words out.
Despite the difficult days, I’ve learned there’s still a lot of joy on this journey.
There’s an appreciation for things that I would otherwise take for granted.
The hard days really do make the good ones that much sweeter.