Jennifer Jackson Linck

Where Grace & Imperfection Collide

Five Minute Friday {Breathe}

by

The phone call should have made me breathe a sigh of relief.

The results of the MRI were normal, there were no abnormalities, the nurse said.

After hanging up the phone I found myself in a puddle of tears.

Tears of relief because there was nothing majorly wrong with my son’s brain and tears of frustration because I had hoped that maybe, just maybe the MRI would shed some light on his neurological disorders.

Was I crazy to feel this way?

I had asked the nurse this exact question.

She said it was completely normal for a mama to have so many mixed feelings.

After speaking with the neurologist again, the nurse called back to tell me that although the MRI had ruled out brain tumors, cerebral palsy and stroke, many children with normal MRI’s still have neurological disorders.

And that’s when I breathed a sigh of relief.

Somehow that little bit of information made me feel better; reminded me that I wasn’t crazy and that we really are dealing with some really tough stuff, despite what an MRI showed.

My son has neurological disorders that effect almost everything he does. The most simple, daily tasks can be slow and frustrating for him and for us.

I talk a lot about Apraxia, Dyspraxia, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder.

I had hoped an MRI would give us additional pieces to the puzzle; answered a few questions.

After shedding many tears of relief and frustration yesterday, a particular verse popped into my mind.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”, declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

In her book, Different, Sally Clarkson writes: There was never going to be a magic bullet that would take all Nathan’s problems away, no advice or childhood discipline book or medication that would provide instant healing, no formula that would remove all the mysteries and demanding stresses he brought our way…We had to accept Nathan with God’s unconditional love – just as he was.

I put my hope in a medical procedure, hoping it would tell me why my son struggles.

But God wants my hope to be in Him alone. He wants me to remember that He didn’t make a mistake when He created Jackson.

My son is fearfully and wonderfully made regardless of what an MRI shows.

 

 


Comments

  2. “My son is fearfully and wonderfully made regardless of what an MRI shows”….That’s right!!! I don’t know your story but I do know that statement to be true.
    We have a son who is now 18 years old and we have struggled through young years with him not knowing how to “fix” him or make him “normal” He has mirror movements… which causes his hands to mirror each other. (It’s genetic and neurologic) His hands do exactly the same thing so any kind of task which requires independent hand movements (ie. tying shoes, putting away dishes, buttoning a shirt… ) requires much thought and concentration.
    When he was younger the doctors told us he would grow out of it. This was 16 years ago when we discovered it. As parents we knew something wasn’t right but the internet was not as full of information then as it is now so we walked in the dark for many years.
    Knowing what we know now I would have been more patient and worked more with him. I can’t change the past but I can encourage you to keep pressing on and finding those answers… helping your son and trusting that God has got this all and He has fearfully and wonderfully made your son just as he is!
    So glad I landed as your neighbor today at #FMF… Blessings on your day!

    • Thank you for your words of encouragement, Rachel. I think the most important thing is that I be more patient, which is so very hard sometimes. I think patience and love is what will help us overcome many of these challenges. God just has to keep molding me to look more like Him in these areas. I’m so glad you stopped by today!

  3. Oh sweet mama, I can relate. Tears of relief but also frustration when the news is good but the questions still linger. I’ve been there, I’m there now, I will pray for you and your sweet little boy.