Today I’m celebrating the release of Lisa-Jo Baker’s book Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being A Mom. I’ll be giving away a copy of her book to one lucky blog reader. Just leave a comment below for your chance to win. Share how you’ve been surprised by motherhood. I will draw a winner on Friday, April 4, 2014. Here’s how motherhood has surprised me!
Jackson entered the world and decided to throw his mama a huge surprise party.
I was surprised at how quickly I connected to the baby boy who didn’t grow in my womb. How my heart wanted to explode with love for him.
I was surprised when the nurse lifted him up and announced 8 pounds and 13 ounces of glory. Would his newborn clothes even fit?
I was drunk on new mother bliss those first two weeks.
Then I got the surprise of my life – colic.
Blood curtailing screams for hours on end. Motherhood got hard; fast.
Like Lisa-Jo says in her book, “One, motherhood is hard. Two, motherhood is glorious. Three, motherhood is hard.”
I was surprised to find myself locked in the bathroom, crying hysterically, just a few weeks into my new gig.
I was surprised that such awful thoughts could swirl around my head at 3 a.m. Nobody can prepare you for the craziness that is sleep deprivation.
I’ve caught puke in my hands as we traveled 70 mph down the interstate.
Then there was the unexpected gift he handed me the other day, straight out of his diaper.
Surprises galore. Some simply wonderful, others completely frustrating.
I can’t imagine my life without Jackson, but I don’t desire to do this mother thing again.
That realization has shocked me to the core. After all, motherhood was all I ever dreamed of.
Unlike Lisa Jo, who didn’t want children – ever (and now has three), I wanted kids. I thought motherhood was my ultimate goal.
Lisa-Jo writes, “Parenting is not for the faint of heart. And it’s especially not for those type A personalities accustomed to having all their ducks in a row, all their check boxes checked, and their sofa cushions, cereal boxes, and entire lives neatly arranged.”
Some of the surprises of motherhood have left this type A girl frazzled.
A year of colic, followed by a year of strep throat, have defined motherhood for me. The thought of doing it all over again leaves me utterly exhausted. I realize I could end up with a non-colicky baby, but do I dare risk it?
Then there’s the guilt.
What’s wrong with me that I don’t want more kids?
I’ve compared myself to other adoptive families, which only leaves me defeated. I’ve tried really hard to want to do sleepless nights all over again, but it’s just not happening.
And now we are in a new season where Jackson needs our undivided attention. We are working through speech delays and it’s challenging for Jackson and for us.
God could have other plans, but right now my heart tells me that we will remain a family of three.
And after months of this inward battle, I vow to no longer feel guilty about my choice.
****Today I’m linking up here for the Surprised by Motherhood launch party!
LeeAnn G Taylor says
Oh, how many things have surprised me about motherhood! I have my pre-order copy coming soon but would absolutely love to win a copy for a friend who is about to have her first baby in 4 weeks!
Jennifer says
LeeAnn – I’m anxiously awaiting my pre-ordered copy, too! I know this book will encourage many mamas. Great idea to give a copy to your friend! Thanks for stopping by the blog today!
Bonni says
I was surprised at how quickly I fell in love! And……so much more!
Jennifer Lee says
I have been surprised as my daughter’s personality has developed- independently and totally different from mine. I was the child who could be disciplined by a stern look; she requires DAILY consistency with me “sticking to my guns” in all her times of testing. It has confounded me at times, how difficult this gig of motherhood is. I was the “kid person” who could tame any babysitting charge, who received a summa cum laude degree in early childhood education, and whose preschool classroom was a well-oiled machine. And now this 26 pound blondie runs circles around me, most days. I have been surprised at how often I need to rely on God’s grace for this season…maybe I shouldn’t be surprised by that. I guess that’s the way He designs life…we ought to be unable to love apart from Him. I am unable, and motherhood has helped me see that.
Jennifer says
Jennifer – I have one of those strong-willed kiddos, too. Oh, how I need His grace daily! I don’t think I’ve ever needed Jesus as desperately as I do as a mother. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by today!
Barbara Rivera says
Before I had children, I didn’t really realize how hard motherhood would be. It’s after that first little blessing, fresh from God, that you get an idea of how hard your job is. This is when I realized the importance of looking to Jesus to meet all of my needs. I also learned that the more children you have, the easier it gets. The little ones grow up and become excellent helpers with the littles. God is so good. He knows how much we can handle and He will never ask us to do something He has not equipped us to do.
Jennifer says
Barbara – Thanks for stopping by today! I don’t know what God has in store for us, but right now I don’t think I could handle another kiddo 🙂 At least not in my own strength. Sometimes you just have to admit your limits, right?
Maybe when Jackson is older and talking? Or maybe it will just be the three of us? Either way, God has blessed us like crazy!
Thanks for stopping by today!
Katie Reid says
Thank you for sharing your heart here. I am an adopted mama too. One thing that has surprised me about motherhood is how I wasn’t as fabulous at it as I thought I would be- sometimes I stink at it; a humbling a wild journey.:)
Jennifer says
Amen Katie! I thought I was going to rock motherhood and I was in for a rude awakening. 🙂 I stink pretty bad, too on some days. Thankful for God’s grace….I need it every. single. day.
Thanks for stopping by today and sharing.
natalie s says
I have been surprised by the forms motherhood can take before my sons are even in my home. The ways I’ve found myself attaching to them through pictures and tiny bits of information. The ways my husband and I have lowered our expectations for each other, our boys, and the kind of family we want — but don’t expect — to have. The ways God has given me a heart to be a mother and a heart to persevere when that is so delayed beyond what I had hoped.
Jennifer says
Hang in there Natalie! Waiting is SO hard ,but God is preparing you and those boys! Praying that you will all be together SOON!
You are already a mama! There is no doubt about it. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by today!
Krista says
Thank you for sharing. Motherhood has surprised me in so many ways… It sounds silly to type it out but I didn’t expect it to change me as much as it had. I never expected to WANT to say home full time. I never expected how my friendships would change. But most of all I never expected how much waiting there would be to get to motherhood… 3+ years of waiting for the imaginative, LOUD 5 year old that is my son. Now we are in the midst of waiting on an adoption journey that is nearing the 2 year mark, and I wonder if God instead intends to keeps us a family of 3…
Jennifer says
Krista –
Thanks for stopping by to share your heart. Oh, the waiting. It’s so hard! Hang in there! Keep trusting God! Praying God adds to your family in His perfect time. That He will just exceed all your expectations and write an amazing story for your family.
Krista D says
Thank you for sharing. Motherhood has surprised me in so many ways… It sounds silly to type it out but I didn’t expect it to change me as much as it had. I never expected to WANT to say home full time. I never expected how my friendships would change. But most of all I never expected how much waiting there would be to get to motherhood… 3+ years of waiting for the imaginative, LOUD 5 year old that is my son. Now we are in the midst of waiting on an adoption journey that is nearing the 2 year mark, and I wonder if God instead intends to keeps us a family of 3
Jennie says
How it would grow me in faith! Also how hard and beautiful it is at the same time!
Rachel Greenfield says
I am surprised how I can experience pure elation and joy and extreme annoyance and frustration in a the same 3 second span 🙂 🙂 I am that my heart can actually ache for my children- that they can bring out the best and worst in me. They have shown me my deep, deep need for Jesus- grace and forgiveness have taken on a whole new meaning.
Jennifer says
Rachel –
Yes, grace and forgiveness sure have! Thanks for stopping by today 🙂
Somer says
Be encouraged…your honesty and openness are refreshing… at least you’ve done soul inventory and have thought deeply about it..i know thats how i felt when i first came home with my oldest..i had an emergency c section and post par tum blues pretty bad…people would ask “so when are you all thinking of having another?” and i didn’t want to think about it…but 22 months later came my little “mini me” an affectionate little girl I never would’ve dreamed of…now i’m 3 kids in…and i’ve had those moments many times i’ve thought “can i do this today? much less again…” i felt that way recently all over again…but i haven’t closed the door because I don’t think God wants it shut yet and I also am so used to no sleep that I feel that it is my normal…haha…anyways you have to go with what you feel God’s spirit is leading you…each of us is different. God bless you and Jackson!
Jennifer says
Thanks for your encouragement Somer! I was afraid to put these words out there, but it feels good to finally write about what I’ve felt in my heart for a long time. Trusting God with our future family and whatever that looks like. 🙂
Sheri says
I have been most surprised by the fact that it is much harder than I thought it would be emotionally. You love them so much that it is hard to let go sometimes! Motherhood is awesome and a true blessing from God and it goes by so fast!!
Jennifer says
Yes, Sheri! There are a lot of emotions involved in motherhood! That is for sure! 🙂