Sometimes you just need a break or you’re going to reach your breaking point.
I was teetering on the edge of break down right after Christmas.
My patience were thin.
I wanted to pull my hair out.
There were days I just wanted to run away.
I was ashamed of my attitude and the thoughts swirling in my head.
John and I discussed my feelings.
I talked them over with my counselor.
I realized I hadn’t been away from Jackson for more than a few hours since our trip to Boston in May.
Since that time we had endured a lot of sickness, surgery, and a very long recovery. Then we celebrated Jackson’s birthday and the holidays.
I had a breakdown during Jackson’s birthday party.
He was overwhelmed.
I was overwhelmed.
And I yelled at him. In front of all his friends and our family.
I took him to his room and I went to the other room and cried.
So much for a happy day.
As I cried in our spare bedroom, wishing all the guests would just go home, I knew I desperately needed a time out.
Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t come easy to me.
The monotony can sometimes drive me crazy.
Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I fail daily.
Thankfully I have a husband who gets how difficult it is to stay home with a strong-willed toddler day in and day out.
Thankfully I have a Savior who doesn’t expect perfection, but offers grace.
John called my parents and explained that I needed some time away (my pride kept me from making the call).
My parents agreed to watch Jackson for four days so that I could go with John to a conference in Seattle.
I spent three glorious days roaming the streets of Seattle.
I captured memories with my lens.
I soaked up the alone time.
I ate way too much.
I enjoyed a massage.
I took a nap.
I slept late.
I read (and finished) a book.
I started another one.
I counted gifts.
#138 Walking through the rain.
#141 Vibrant tulips.
#142 Finding a Dr Pepper in Seattle.
#143 Sunshine in Seattle.
#145 The Space Needle at night.
#147 First sight of the snow capped mountains.
#150 Naps on the plane.
I didn’t have to change diapers, watch the Disney channel, or remove a toddler from the top of the table for almost a week.
But I still called every day to check on Jackson.
I made my parents send pictures.
I watched videos of him Thursday night before I fell asleep because I just needed to hear his giggles.
By the end of the week, I was ready to go home and squeeze my Little Man.
Because I love him. Like crazy. Even when he pushes my buttons.
This mama just needed a break so that she could be a better mama.
Not a mama on the verge of breaking.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.