I didn’t realize I was dealing with fear until I read an article the other day called Dreaming God-Sized Dreams.
I have a God-sized dream. I want to finish my book. I want to see it get published. I want to encourage others who are traveling the long, expensive, and emotional road to adoption, as well as, the new mommy’s who are crying in the bathroom wondering what they got themselves into.
I haven’t spent much time working on my book since returning from the SheSpeaks conference last summer. I came back so full of hope, ready to conquer my God-sized dream. Then reality hit. I had to take care of a baby and a husband, I had to get dinner on the table, and I had to build a platform and the whole idea of that just left me feeling hopeless.
So I didn’t write. I told myself it wasn’t the right season for me to focus on my book. I didn’t have the time to dedicate to writing thousands and thousands of words or the money to self-publish the book if it didn’t get picked up by a publisher.
Then last week I was skimming through a magazine and I read these words.
Fear only bothers you when you do things that matter. Fear always tries to put your feelings in charge…Do I feel like writing a book today? Fear lies. You don’t have enough time! Fear is going to get loud when you start working on them [goals]. Don’t believe it!”
I didn’t realize until last week that it’s really fear that’s keeping me from finishing the book that sits in my drawer incomplete. Almost every word is written. I just need to organize and develop the chapters.
I let fear whisper that I don’t have time to write.
I let fear whisper that I’m not good enough and nobody cares to hear my story.
I let fear whisper that my platform isn’t big enough and no publisher is going to believe in the story I have to tell.
Fear whispers I’m a disappointment to God – why can’t I just finish it for goodness sake.
“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, Abba Father.” (Romans 8:15)
I will choose to believe my Abba Father – that He has a plan and a purpose for me – which I believe includes finishing a book and sharing the beautiful story he wrote for our family.
I feel Him whispering to my heart – “Just be obedient. Finish writing it.” He doesn’t want me to worry about if or when it will get published. He just wants me to write. To put the words on paper.
So that’s what I will do.
I will write – one day a week at least! I have seven chapters to go and will focus on one chapter a week. I will send my chapters to a friend and fellow writer (who does have a book deal) each week and she will offer feedback and encouragement so that I can accomplish what I feel like God is calling me to do.
Last week I spent a day during Jackson’s nap time working on Chapter 3. As I wrote, I remembered the whole purpose of getting those words on a page – so that my King will be glorified. So that whoever picks up the book and reads our story will see that He is real and that His love is powerful.
So as of today, I have written four out of ten chapters. I will not let fear keep me from accomplishing my God Sized Dream!