I’ve wanted to write this blog for a while now, but bitterness and hurt feelings caused me to take a step back and wait. I knew I needed to talk to God about my hurt feelings before addressing this issue on the blog. However, I think it’s important to address this issue because it’s truly something that I have been struggling with and I know that other adoptive families have probably dealt with the same stuff.
It’s almost as if there’s a myth in the adoption world that once you start the adoption process you’re guaranteed to get pregnant. I don’t know how many times people have said “Now that you have started the process you know you’re going to end up pregnant.” Yes, it does happen. I know of two families that it has happened to recently but it doesn’t ALWAYS happen.
There are certain people in my life who constantly bring up me becoming pregnant or having “my own” children. Hearing these remarks is like a big slap on the face. First of all it hurts my feelings. When people make comments like this, what I hear is “Adoption isn’t as good as having a biological child.”
Becoming a mother through adoption is already hard enough without people making comments that make you feel like they would be happier if you were having a baby the old-fashioned way.
God has made it very clear to John and me that we will have a family through adoption. I can honestly say that even if I could conceive a child, God has changed my heart and my desire is to adopt children. I have no desire to become pregnant. I know that is very hard for some people to understand, but it is where God has me and I have a complete peace about it. I spent many months grieving the fact that I would probably never carry a baby for 9 months. I have grieved, I have prayed and God has brought me to the place I am now. And I am super happy and at peace with the place that He has me.
I can hear many of you saying that God performs miracles and I could end up pregnant some day – you’re right I could. He CAN do anything, but He has taken away my desire to become pregnant and replaced that desire with the desire to become a mom through adoption. I could have easily gotten pregnant the good old-fashioned way, or spent a ton of money on fertility treatments, but God had another plan.
Following His plan will mean that I become a mother, but it’s also about so much more. God has completely changed me. This adoption has an eternal purpose that I can’t even grasp. I have already fallen in love with my children, although I have never seen their faces. I have witnessed God’s miracles and experienced His love for me in ways that I never have before.
To get pregnant right now would, in all honesty, be devestating. It would mean that we would have to put this adoption on hold and the thought of that breaks my heart. I would trust God and His plan if that were to happen, but I would still be sad because I can’t even imagine our family without Ethiopian babes.
I understand that not everyone agrees with adoption, that not everyone grasps a woman who is okay with never experiencing pregnancy. You don’t have to agree with my choice or understand the path God has me on. But please consider how hurtful it can be when you make comments that make me feel as if you’re anything but excited about the adoption, because in your eyes it’s not the “right” way to become a mother.